Let Them

Let Them

Over the summer, I take the time to reorganize the kitchen, from cleaning the silverware drawer (and get rid of those pesky crumbs that appear), mismatched food containers, and the infamous pen and marker drawer.

It is also a great time to get lost in summer reading. My first pick this summer comes from Mel Robins, the podcast I listen to every morning. We have all heard of the “Let Them” theory. Can we apply it to our preschoolers and young children? Let’s take a look.

What is the "Let Them" Theory?

The  “Let Them” theory encourages parents  to:

• Trust the child’s way to manage conflict

• Find teachable moments in natural consequences

• Trying to avoid always being helicopter in situations

• Help children control and manage their behaviors

It means allowing children to make choices that are not harmful or unhealthy.

Preschool-aged kids (3–5 years old) are developing independence, identity, and a sense of control over their world. If we constantly direct or correct them, we may unintentionally undermine their confidence or create power struggles.

By letting them try things their way—within boundaries—we give them the chance to:

• Build problem-solving skills

• Learn through experience

• Strengthen emotional resilience

• Feel seen, heard, and respected

How to Apply the “Let Them” Theory with Preschoolers

1. Let Them Dress Themselves (Even If It’s… Creative)

Wearing a tutu over pajamas and rain boots to the grocery store? Let them.

Why? Preschoolers love expressing themselves. Letting them choose their own clothes—even if it doesn’t match—encourages independence and body autonomy.

Try saying:“I love how you dressed yourself! That looks like a fun outfit.”

2. Let Them Struggle with Tasks Before Helping

Trying to zip a coat, pour water, or open a snack? Let them.

Why? Struggling (briefly) builds problem-solving and perseverance. Resist jumping in too quickly unless they’re getting frustrated or it’s unsafe.

Try saying:“You’re working really hard on that zipper! Want a hint or should I wait a little longer?”

3. Let Them Feel Big Feelings

Meltdown over the wrong color cup? Let them.

Why? Preschoolers are still learning to regulate emotions. Letting them feel upset—and offering calm presence—instead of fixing the problem helps build emotional intelligence.

Try saying:“You really wanted the blue cup. It’s okay to feel upset. I’m here.”

4. Let Them Make (Safe) Choices

Want a banana for lunch instead of a sandwich? Let them.

Why? Giving small choices gives preschoolers a sense of control and reduces power struggles. It also helps them tune into their own needs.

Try offering:“Do you want apples or bananas with lunch today?”

5. Let Them Be Bored

Asking for screens or constant entertainment? Let them be bored.

Why? Boredom sparks creativity. When kids are given unstructured time, they often come up with their own imaginative play.

Try saying:“You can choose what you’d like to do. I’m sure you’ll think of something fun!”

When NOT to “Let Them”

“Let Them” doesn’t mean “let them do anything.”

•  Dangerous behavior? Step in immediately.

• Disrespectful or harmful behavior? Set a firm, calm boundary.

• Overwhelming emotions? Offer co-regulation, not disconnection.

This theory works best within the framework of gentle discipline, clear limits, and emotional support.

Final Thoughts

Preschoolers are little people learning how the world works—and their place in it. When we let them make choices, take small risks, and feel all their feelings, we build the foundation for confident, resilient, emotionally intelligent kids.

So next time your 4-year-old wants to wear mittens in July? Smile.Take a breath.And if it’s safe, let them.

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